


Third Time Unlucky

by Humanity_Strongest_001, Levi__Acker_Gay



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe, Embarrassed Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Flustered Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), M/M, Mikasa Ackerman & Levi Are Related, Mikasa Ackerman & Levi Are Siblings, Protective Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Protective Mikasa Ackerman, Sad Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Vomiting, Writer Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:21:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28198335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Humanity_Strongest_001/pseuds/Humanity_Strongest_001, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Levi__Acker_Gay/pseuds/Levi__Acker_Gay
Summary: Levi leered down at the frustratingly blank page. Clearly today hadn't been the best writing day for him. He sighed and banged his head against the oak table he always wrote at whilst visiting his mother.
Relationships: Furlan Church & Levi & Isabel Magnolia, Levi & Erwin Smith, Levi/Erwin Smith, Mikasa Ackerman & Levi
Comments: 6
Kudos: 16





	Third Time Unlucky

**Author's Note:**

> I apologise for any mistakes, but proceed with caution. This was written at 2 in the morning.

Levi leered down at the frustratingly blank page. Clearly today had not been the best writing day for him. He sighed and banged his head against the oak table he always wrote at whilst visiting his mother and their childhood/family home.

Though today **_had_ **started out as a good day: he had woken up with so many ideas in his head and had even managed to convince himself that he would actually get started on the beginning of his _still_ un-named novel. The third in a series that had actually, and surprisingly won a few awards, unlike most of his other works. But he had nothing that morning.

As his deadline approached quickly, Levi actually found himself considering to lengthen said target date for the completion of his book. But that would only be a last resort for him: he refused to give in. Levi had decided that he would at least get started on the book today, but it seemed that his plan wasn't working out well.

His series, _A Story Never Told_ , so far had been a huge surprise to his mother and sister and the very few friends (two) he had and trusted; Levi didn't usually add any personal ideas and past memories into his books or writing, much less write and publish about his most traumatic and worst experiences. Which was why the book was a huge surprise to those who knew him.

Levi lifted his now lightly throbbing head off the desk, and lifted the pen up again. The black biro hung over the page and wavered slightly as he racked his mind for the starting point of the book.

Though he knew the main plot, and the ending he would prefer, he didn't know how to actually start this piece of writing for the beginning of his third book in the series.

English in school had never been this stressful and nerve racking, though mentioned English lessons didn't have the pressure of waiting readers, the press, his family and his editors. High school seemed actually kind of fun, relaxing even, he thought as he looked back at his memories, though he would never choose to relive it. Ever: once was enough.

It wasn't necessarily bad at school, though here were always the many problems many teenagers faced. However, the real trouble, for him, was at home; where his father had been.

Even now, at twenty-one, Levi was still as affected by the man that had _raised_ him during his mother's illness, still woke up in the middle of night from those ever constant nightmares. Though he had hoped writing them down would be of some help, but so far nothing had worked enough: so he continued to ignore those ever present thoughts, chose to forget the nightmares and memories, even though they plagued the recesses of his mind, especially when he failed in something, resurfaced even as the smell of whiskey entered his nostrils. Ignored the times when he had to force himself not to flinch when a door slammed too loud, or when he walked past the basement or bathroom door on the other end of the house whilst visiting his mother.

Levi sighed and dropped the pen, he clearly wouldn't get any writing done today, especially with those private and hateful thoughts he preferer to keep out of his books and away from prying eyes; which was basically every reader. It was also why he used a pen-name: Rivaille.

A knock at the bedroom door startled Levi out of his spiralling thoughts, and he flinched though it was not loud, it was certainly surprising though. He stood and flicked a dark strand of hair out of his eyes impatiently as he moved to open the door. 

"Dinner's ready. Isabel and Furlan told you to hurry. Mother sent me to come and get you, and tell you-" Mikasa said in a rush, smiling down at her elder brother, but cut herself off when she saw the look on Levi's face. "You look terrible Levi," she stated, frowning slightly as she raised her hand to press against his forehead.

Levi just sighed as he batted her hand away. "I'm fine" he yawned as he rubbed at his eyes. He stretched his aching muscles, reaching for the ceiling with his arms, she raised her eyebrow in response as she took in his pale and tired face.

Mikasa poked at the small area of exposed pale skin at his stomach. "Quit that," he muttered, pushing her hand away. She had long and sharp fingernails, this time painted a deep crimson, similar to blood. "It hurts."

Mikasa glared down at him, "so quit lying to me. Then I'll stop poking you" she said, mimicking his annoyed tone, but with more exaggeration.

Ignoring his sister's stupid imitation. 'W _hat, were they five now?'._ Levi shoved past her, closing the heavy bedroom door behind him. He stalked away as unexpected anger threatened to bubble up in his veins. Mikasa hurried after him, jogging to catch and keep up with him: though he was short, he could move fast, Levi could make it difficult to walk with if he wanted it to be. Which he evidently did want at the moment.

Levi jogged down the stairs, ignoring his sister practically running now to catch up with him, and match his long strides. He walked down the corridor in a few long strides, and paused outside the dining room door. He waited long enough for Mikasa to approach and stand next to him. She glanced down at him, face expectant.

Levi shifted slightly, indicating with his body language for her to open the door, and enter the dining room first. She turned and faced the door, but before she turned the handle, she looked down and stared at her brothers face, trying to read his emotions. Apart from the faint line between his dark brows and the shadows beneath his eyes, his face was impassive, as if it had been carved from stone. An expression that Isabel and Furaln, Levi's closest friends called his ' _mask_ ,' which was a façade he always kept up.

Mikasa put on a sunny smile that she had been wearing when she had first left the room to get her older brother: their mother did not need to worry even more than they usually did, though she would talk to Furlan, who had known Levi longer, about what had happened later.

..

Dinner was a unexpectedly simple, yet delicious meal: Beef-Quinoa Stuffed Peppers. The five of them - Kuchel, Mikasa, Levi, Isabel and Furlan- ate in silence, only broken by their mother when she asked Isabel and Furlan about their studies, work and Manhattan: their neighbourhood. 

Levi's grip tightened on his knife and fork, their mother was now going to interrogate _him_ about his latest book either here at the table, or later in her office. He could already picture the look of disappointment on her features when he told her he hadn't even started the book, and had nothing. Not even a plan on how to start the damn book.

Levi flinched when a hand landed on his bicep, the touch light' but enough to startle him that his fork dropped with a loud clatter to the plate. He looked up and glanced around the room, noticing the rest of the occupants in the room staring at him, their faces expectant.

Kuchel sighed and gave him a half amused, and half exasperated look. "Pardon. Could you repeat please that?" Levi asked, an attempted smile twitching up the corners of his chapped and bitten lips.

"I asked about your book, darling. Several times actually," Kuchel replied, tilting her head to the side as she considered her son. _'_ _The interrogation would happen here, at the table. Now,'_ Levi noted as he picked up his fork.

His throat suddenly dry, he swallowed thickly. He cleared his throat, but the dry feeling did not disappear. He put his knife and fork down gently, and picked up the glass. He almost dropped the glass as his hands failed to grip tight enough. He took a few sips of the ice-cold water, before setting it back down onto the wet ring it had left behind on the table. He wiped his now damp hands on the soft fabric of his sweatpants.

Kuchel cleared her throat, causing Levi to look up from his lap. "Oh, um...I've started the book. I actually have the first few chapters done. But still not title," he chuckled, blinking rapidly as a very light blush spread across his sharp cheekbones.

Furlan shot him a look from across the table that clearly indicated he knew Levi was lying. Levi ignored him, smoothing his features over and looked back up at his mother with a more neutral expression. "That's great news darling. Maybe we could crack open a bottle of alcohol. Whiskey?" she smiled.

Mikasa, Isabel and Furlan froze, and Kuchel instantly realised her mistake. She paled as her smile dropped, she remembered how Levi had been treated by that _man_. "Or some wine," she amended quickly, but the damage had already been done.

Levi, his grey eyes wide, attempted a small smile, tough it never quite reached his eyes. "Thanks for the offer mother, but I think I'll pass," Levi said slowly, refraining from correcting himself and saying _'I lied, I haven't even started the book. Nor do I have any ideas on how to actually start it, and the reason I lied...well, that's because I hate disappointing you and failing.'_

Levi, instead, finished the last few bites of pepper in huge mouthfuls - struggling to swallow slightly as he hurried - and washed the bites down with the remaining water from his glass. "Excuse me," he muttered under his breath once he was done. He stood, and dumped his plate and glass in the sink and practically fled from the room before anyone could say or do anything to stop him. He resisted the urge to go back and clean the dishes like he usually did.

Levi ran down the hall, catching at the wooden post of the banister to swing his body round and flew up the stairs, taking two steps at a time. He paused at the top when a wave of nausea hit him, and his dinner threatened to make an appearance.

He slowed his pace to a walk, as he headed back o his room, clutching at his already rolling stomach. The previously delicious food tasted like poison in his stomach. His mouth tasted sour, so he stopped at the bathroom door. But one step inside, he retched. Levi stumbled forward and lifted the toilet seat lid, and though nothing actually rose from his stomach, he knew it was only a matter of time. Levi retched again the thought of touching the filthy toilet made him even more nauseous. He could feel the bile burning his oesophagus, but the food did thankfully not make a reappearance. However, at the third retch, the mix of food and acid came out. Levi's eyes watered and he clutched at the toilet, arms supporting his body as he retched.

He felt so disgusting and weak. He felt so mad at himself for this disgusting behaviour and failure on his part of controlling himself.

Levi collapsed onto the floor, he scrambled away from the toilet and mess. The stench of vomit filled the room, and Levi retched again. He wiped away a gathering of sweat a his brow and mix of perspiration and vomit from around his lips with the back of his hand. He wanted nothing more than to leave the mess of vomit behind, and collapse into bed. But he was filthy.

Instead, he cracked open the bathroom door. Relief flooded through him when he saw that no one was there. And disappointment: _'Did his family not care about him?'_ He scoffed at the thought, _since when was he so selfish._

He crept into his bedroom, and grabbed a change of clothes and a dark towel his mother must have left. Levi left the room, and walked back to the bathroom.

Levi froze when he saw Furlan and Mikasa standing there, staring at him. He blinked, and looked down under their scrutiny, and continued his pace, ignoring them. Furlan reached out and caught at his bicep, but Levi flinched back violently, arm wrenching itself out of Furlan's loose grip. "Sorry," the blond said, "but we need to talk."

"There's nothing to talk about," Levi muttered, attempting to walk past them again. However, Mikasa moved to block his path. He grunted "fine. But only after I have had a shower, 'kay?" Mikasa and Furlan looked at each other, before nodding.

Furlan walked past Levi, and he watched as the blond entered Levi's room. Mikasa muttered quietly, "I know you vomited" and walked away, she too going into his room. Levi groaned and turned back round.

He entered the bathroom, gagging at the strong smell of vomit as it hit he back of his throat. He set his clothes and towel down before opening the small window: it was better than nothing. He knelt down next to the toilet, and rolled up his sleeves.

..

When Levi had finished cleaning the toilet and floor of vomit, the smell had mostly dissipated. He stripped down, throwing the clothes into the wash basket. Once fully naked, he entered the shower, mind flitting between the thoughts of his siblings waiting in his room, his mother downstairs and his book. He pushed all thoughts of that _man_ out of his head. _'He didn't need another painful reminder of_ **_him_**.'

He turned on the water, switching it to the hottest it would allow. _'He needed to get rid of all the filth on his body, and in his mind.'_ The barely tolerable, almost scalding spray turned his pasty skin to a light pink. He used the soap to slather his body with the cleaning lotion. He rinsed the soapy suds off his body and repeated the process, still not feeling clean enough. However the smell of vomit was still there, in his dark hair. So he used Furlan's apple scented shampoo to clean out his dark hair. He rinsed himself off one more time, and turned the water to lukewarm, which felt cold to his overheated skin.

Levi allowed the the cooler water to run down the smooth skin of his chest and his muscle abdomen. The water pattered onto his hair softly like rain, and dripped down his face like tears. He closed his grey eyes and held his face up to the water, letting it patter onto his upturned face.

..

He reached out blindly, fumbling for the taps. When his fingers finally brushed against the cool metal, he switched off the shower, allowing the water to gurgle down the drain, and splatter down to the floor, off his body and hair in large drops.

Levi grabbed the towel, and dried himself off. He changed into the soft and worn shirt that had faded from its original black colour, and a pair of dark sweatpants. He then finally left the bathroom, already dreading the little _'talk'_ he was about to walk into.

Water dripped from his hair and onto his shirt at the shoulders and back, which was only mildly uncomfortable, but tolerable, at the moment. He stood outside his bedroom door, hand poised to open the door. _'Should he knock?'_ Levi wondered, but shook his head, _'it was his room.'_ He opened the door softly, and slipped inside his room.

Furlan and Mikasa had clearly made themselves comfortable. They were both lounging on his bed: Mikasa leaning against the headboard as Furlan lay across he bed. Levi glanced towards his desk automatically, checking to see if anything had been moved, though he knew his sister and friend would never betray his trust, not after they found out about the true nature of their guardian.

Furlan caught the glance and raised his eyebrow. Levi shrugged as Mikasa dropped her phone onto Levi's bedside table and looked up. They both sat up and shifted, making room for him. Mikasa leaned forward and patted the mattress where there was now a space, "come sit."

"Isabel?"

"She's gone to bed. We know that she's too young to know, nor do you want to tell her anything." Furlan replied.

Levi, surprisingly, found himself moving forward, obeying his sister's request. He perched on the edge, feeling uncomfortable in his own room. Furlan broke the awkward silence that built first. "So, why haven't you written anything yet?" he asked, easing them into a conversation, yet it still felt like Furlan was throwing him into the deep end.

"I...uh...I don't know how to start it" Levi answered honestly as he made himself more comfortable. Furlan nodded, and shifted so he too leaned against the headboard along with Mikasa. 

This time it was Mikasa who spoke. "Do you actually have any ideas, Levi?" she leaned forward, resting her chin on her hands in classic thinkers pose as she scrutinized him with dark eyes.

"A few" Levi mumbled, and did not elaborate, nor make any indication that he would. It seemed to him that Furlan and Mikasa had already discussed the questions they would ask, and who would be asking them. Levi leaned back onto his elbows and prepared himself for their next question.

"What happened downstairs Levi? I mean with your acting so distracted?" Mikasa asked, reaching behind her to move the pillows she leaned against. Levi looked away, "I...uh, I'm not really sure. I guess I uh...I was thinking about the book."

"You guess?" Furlan said, and Levi gave a one shouldered shrug. Furlan inhaled deeply, and Levi knew this was the series of questions they had been working their way up to.

"How about the _whiskey_ thing? What happened there?" Furlan leaned forward slightly, probably to view Levi's reaction better. However, Levi flinched back slightly and his eyes furrowed, almost imperceptibly so, before smoothing his features back into his 'mask' or 'façade.' But Furlan caught the reaction.

"Umm...It just reminded me of _him_ ," Levi finally managed, refusing to say his name, his voice lowering to a whisper as he spoke in a quiet and painfully shy mumble.

This time Mikasa flinched. She shuddered at the mention of their 'guardian,' _that man was a monster,_ and certainly not someone who should have been trusted to look after two children. Well, at least not any more. "You vomited Levi. It really must have affected you, didn't it?"

Levi could only nod as a lump rose up in his throat, choking off his response. Mikasa reached out slowly, allowing her brother to see her approaching hand, and he closed his eyes, screwing them up tightly. However, Levi still flinched and tensed his muscles, but the touch did not bring pain. It brought comfort.

So he allowed the comforting hand on his arm to remain, and he even relaxed into his sister's calming touch. He lay back as Mikasa's gentle hand moved from his arm to his head and hair. She started combing through his soft and still damp locks, untangling the twists of hair as she went. Unconsciously calming Levi down from his nervous state.

Furlan gestured towards the door, a questioning look in his grey eyes. Mikasa nodded at his glance, Levi did not need to be too overwhelmed or embarrassed in his vulnerable state. Though he probably wouldn't show it.

..

That was how Levi drifted off to sleep gently: in the safe and comforting and warm company of his sister. He didn't even hear his bedroom door open, nor the click of the latch as it closed behind Furlan. His breathing eased and deepened as he fell into a deeper sleep, and Mikasa smiled softly down at her stubborn big brother. She was glad they had talked; she was now starting to understand her eldest brother's troubles much better.

She lifted Levi's dark head as gently as she could, and slipped a soft pillow under to support his neck and head whilst he slept. Mikasa groaned as she struggled to pull the duvet from underneath Levi's sleeping and surprisingly _very_ heavy form-though he was tiny, he made up for it with pure muscle, and stubbornness. She gave up and opted for a slightly warn but thick blanket that sat on the back of Levi's chair at his desk instead.

His legs hung off the bed awkwardly: he was lying on the matters sideways, and she didn't want to wake him to tell him to move.

So Mikasa lay down next to Levi, not wanting to leave him alone to do something stupid. She lay in front of him, facing him and snuggled under the blanket. She raked her eyes over his now more peaceful face. Though the circles under his eyes, indicating anything but peace. Mikasa knew that his restlessness was most likely caused by Levi's memories of _him_ , which kept him awake at night.   
  
  


This made her hate _him_ even more than she already did. He was nowhere near their family, had left years ago, but could still affect their family as easily.

She pulled a pillow from the top of the bed, near the headboard, almost savagely and shoved it under her own raised head. Mikasa then lay down and closed her dark eyes, trying to calm her thoughts down with memories of their ' _happy_ ' childhood. Well, only parts of it.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm very sorry about how shit this was, and I apologise again. But the idea was in my head, and I needed it out and on here :)
> 
> If there are any mistakes, or if something does not make sense, please inform me in the comments, it would be much appreciated.
> 
> Kudos are appreciated as well ❤  
> @Lucifer_Oldest or @Daily_Eruri on twitter.


End file.
